what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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