You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
