look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
