i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's always time for handjobs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
