I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
