Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
