I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Randomize