you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
