I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
