Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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