I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
