i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
