so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
someone owes me an orgasm
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
