No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
