I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
