I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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