but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
