Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize