I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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