Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think my fart just growled at me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
