she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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