There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
