Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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