Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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