i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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