a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
