What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize