He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
