Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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