Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
