Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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