i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
