I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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