it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
