These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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