also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
