Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
