and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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