I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
