If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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