Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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