Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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