we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
