I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
