On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
