I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is it penis luge time yet?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
