time to smoke my breakfast
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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