i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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