Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
