she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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