i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
