Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
