Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
