im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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