It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
