do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
