Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
