Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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