i think my mom watched the whole time
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
