Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
