She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
