Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
