Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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