dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
