just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
