Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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