Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
