You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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