My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
