You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
