STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
